Last week I traveled to Cincinnati to see my friends from college who are now in a band called US Royalty play a show. They were the opener for a Third Eye Blind theatre tour. Here were my thoughts before, during, and after the show.
- I promised myself I wouldn’t act like a proud mom and I did a good job hiding it but in my mind I was proud.
- I didn’t actually teach them anything or contribute to where they are, but give me this moment.
- It was weird because no one there had ever heard of them before so I got to sit back and watch them try to win the crowd over…..they did it.
- I look for two things in bands to distinguish them-an entertaining front man and songs that are catchy enough to play on radio and they have them both.
- John is an entertaining front man won them over in a Mick Jagger sort of way.
- Paul was always a great guitar player but he was what set them apart, I heard multiple people in the crowd comment on him and cheer as he soloed.
- They just made a list of the 50 best dressed male musicians and they do make me want to shop at high end vintage boutiques.
- Hoping to see them again soon and maybe get to take some friends if they make it to Columbus.
- Not sure how to sound like the gushing friend who says his friends are good, but I was thoroughly impressed and expect big things…
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I remember the first time I was exposed to confrontation in ministry. I was a 17 year old on a summer ministry experience and decided that making a joke at the expense of a teammate was more important than him feeling self worth. I was a prideful, team chemistry killing, sin machine. It wasn’t the end of the world, but it did need confronted.
Anyone who wants to see growth in people’s lives they live with, work with, or minister to is going to be in situations that need confronted. As imperfect people who represent a perfect message from time to time you will need to confront patterns of sin.
Matthew 18:15-17 is the passage that all confrontation situations should be measured up against as it gives obvious easy instructions on how to handle things. When I am in a situation of confrontation I also like to remember some advice I was once taught that compliments the Bible’s wisdom.
Here are the rules of confrontation I was taught to compliment Matthew 18…
There is a reason you are confronting this person so let them know that you see potential in them as a friend, influencer of people, or someone people follow. Name something they do well that you appreciate so that you set the plate for them to hear what you are about to say.
Matthew 18 is clear on this so just follow it and speak to the person head on humbly bringing the issue to their attention in love.
I say humbly because I was recently reminded by Ephesians that we don’t just speak the truth in love and use that as a license to be insensitive or say whatever you want. We must do it with their best interest in mind and with a humility that makes us deserve to be listened to.
(if they don’t listen you have to bring a witness and try again, but lets pretend they do for this post)
Just like you started with a compliment, you should end with one. It is easy to jump right into the problem (once you work up the courage) and it is just as easy to harp on the problem and tear the person down, rather than guiding them and caring for them. Make sure you don’t leave the bad taste in their mouth with your attitude or words. They might be hurt or caught of guard by your confrontation but they shouldn’t be hurt by your approach.
I recently had a slight change in my job title and will now oversee Middle School Ministry along with High School Ministry. Its not a shift that is rocking our church and I think many saw it coming. It will be a test of my leadership and oversight to be able to zoom back and coach coaches even more than I have been. I just thought I would put an excerpt on here of the letter I sent my staff a while back so my friends and family know and can pray for myself and our church.
This Sunday Dustin and I are meeting with the Middle School parents and students to let them know that at the end of this school year my job description and his job description will be changing. Dustin will be transitioning to Family Ministries, meaning that he will oversee children and parents (the role that Sean Spoelstra use to have). I will be transitioning to oversee all of student ministries (middle school and high school).
I am sure many of you know this as it has been out in our culture amongst leaders for some time, but I wanted to honor those who may not have known and tell you. It isn’t a huge change for us as HSM, but for the middle school students and families it is a bigger step.
Dustin was asked to take this role, and he and I are in full support of this change. To be a church that is doing what God wants us to do we must have a staff member focused on kids and families and no one is better than Dustin. I believe financially right now as a church it is wise to prioritize the search for a worship pastor ahead of the need for 2 student pastors, and so for now we will have one.
As you know our church has formed a committee (of elders, deacons, and leaders) to work with every ministry. Student Ministry has a committee that will be helping oversee and manage the direction and week to week happenings. This committee is Dale and Cindy Dunn, John and Vickie Darrough, Jim and Kim Heffner, Steve and Becky Irwin, Mark and Kristin Artrip, and Sarah Knepper.
Next year will look different in some ways to us insiders, but honestly in many ways it will still look the same. A healthy ministry isn’t built on one person and so our middle school and high school ministries from the beginning have used tons of people with their gifts and personalities. Everyone who is reading this email does weekly ministry and is more important than me! The members of the committee will be active in shepherding volunteers and helping to lead and train people. I think in some ways this is a necessary and healthy step for us as an organization and will help our systems.