I recently did a Q and A session with some girls on relationships. I sent them the following after our time together to sum up and re-state the night. I have a huge heart about this stuff and thought I would throw it up here…

Your relationship with God should always be number 1 in your life. That means now when you are in high school. That means when you are dating in college, that means when you are engaged after college, and it is the same when you are married.


No one is capable of loving you like God. (Romans 8:38-39)  His love is perfect. He set the example for us and defined love when he selflessly died on the cross.

I Corinthians 13:4-Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You are a daughter of God-This means that you are made in his image and loved as His child. You are entitled to His love, His guidance, and an intimate love relationship like none other.

The world will not want you to know this, but you don’t ever need any love other than God’s. It is perfect and limitless.  You deserve God’s perfect agape love and nothing less.

Your body belongs to God and was bought when he died on the cross. This means that you should honor God physically.  Any guy who wants to lay down and make out, put his hands somewhere, or hit a triple, is treating you as his sex robot and is being self-seeking (the opposite of love) and is only worried about his desires and not treating you as the daughter of God that you are. This guy is putting his needs above you and your relationship with God.

We are told to flee (get as far away from as possible (from sexual immorality.  Like we talked about this doesn’t mean see how close you get until you get burned. Don’t tempt yourself; don’t tempt your brothers in Christ and honor God. You should commit now to be pure until marriage if you have not. God gives us this standard and gives us sex with your spouse as a metaphor of the intimacy between Him and his bride the Church.

You have the chance to protect that and give that to your husband to honor God.  It didn’t’ come up but it is worth the wait and obviously designed by a perfect God. You will never regret waiting.  Nuff said! If you have already slipped in this area, you can save yourself from now until that day and preserve a second virginity.

For someone to say that they love you they must know Christ so that they understand the standard of love.  People will let you down but someone who has the Holy Spirit working in them is capable of loving as Christ did when they are in step with the Spirit. If you are running after Christ, not standing still or being lazy, this should be a no brainer. II Corinthians 6 asks, “What business do light and darkness have together?” When you understand what it means to follow, live for, and glorify Christ this is a logical step to shed hindrances.

By God’s design, you are to be lead by your guy (husband). This doesn’t mean you are weak, or incapable.  It doesn’t’ mean that you have to slow down; it just means when a guy is living as he should he is out front setting the pace.  This means that you deserve a guy who leads you, not one who has been to church or saw the Da Vinci Code. You can hold a guy to the standard of leadership.

I mentioned that you guys should have a list of what you want so you will not settle for anything but the guidelines God has given. This list should include things like the ones I have already mentioned.

Christ follower

Able to lead

Displays I Cor. 13 love

Respects physical standards

And than the shallow stuff you want to add like tall, wants kids, athletic, red hair:)

The biggest misconception I see with looking for a guy today is that people think they have to date.  Dating is the problem because it creates the expectations for physical stuff and takes a toll on your emotions and yourself, which also belong to God and should also be preserved for your spouse. Naturally in your life you spend time with people and get to know them. You can get to know someone as friends. You don’t date to get to know them, you know them and date them if they match up to the list and deserve to be dated because they are keeper material. Dating is not a recreational activity; it is serious and involves your emotions.

Remember these areas are ones that even Christians and the church compromise on so often.  Our lives are to stand out and be counter-cultural when we are following God.  Don’t be shy about your sex life not looking like everyone else’s.  Don’t worry when they are all dating and breaking up every 6 months and you are hanging out in groups.

I think that is the end of my rambling for now, maybe I will think of more but I just wanted to say that stuff as it has been on my mind since you all left.

Kristin and I love you guys very much and pray for you all the time. Please don’t date some guy that is a loser and break my heart. I will do my best to look out for you and scare away losers and if you need help you can bring them over for that interview I promised.  I look forward to doing all of your wedding ceremonies someday and I will interview the guy anyway, so there’s no point in avoiding it:)

Thanks again for letting me pop into your group,



  1. good words Mark. Even applicable to 20-somethings who are still single. I have been delving deeper into the Word, and seeking God more closely, lately. I am beginning to see just how radical in nature my life is supposed to look when I let God permeate every aspect, and giving Him control in the area of relationships will be something that looks so much different from what the world expects. Please pray for me on this matter.
    I Sam: 16:7

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